I desparately want to sit and write a meaningful blog post. My mind is full of things I want to say, topics I want to explore, pictures I want to share. But the pictures I want to share are the most important right now, as there seems to be no time to deal with the other things. No time for the composition of meaninful words and topics. I'm lucky to be able to have these few minutes to get a few pictures up here to share. And then I will feel I have accomplished something other than nursing and half-completed household chores. Ugh, and as I'm sorting through pictures I realize that if I put them all up to share, then I'm shooting a few good posts in the foot because there are stories behind them to be shared, also... So here are a few pictures that require little words and stand on their own.

Helena had her first outings this weekend - Saturday to the store for our weekly shopping, Sunday to church and then for a walk at the biking trail later in the afternoon. Ah, that's one that I want to share the story of... It was glorious - just what I needed. But for now, here she is, all bundled in the earflap hat that I knit her and her cozy warm "jacket" hand-sewn by my dear friend Sarah 6 years ago for Bella. Awwwww...


Go ahead, let all of the AWWWWS out. We all know how absolutely sweet she is, especially in her pink carseat that matches her sister's.

Oh, and here is what she does while she's awake and in the wrap, which I think is absolutely adorable. As long as those eyes are open, she has her head back, looking around at everything. Speaking of looking at everything, ignore the table piled with dishes from lunch time...
Here she is in pink. Right now it's the only pink outfit she has, bought by her Nanny the day after she was born. The rest of our nicely sorted and labelled bags of girly clothes are still in our storage unit. I suppose we'll get around to getting them out while she can still fit into them.


Here's Papa with a lap full of offspring. Gotta' love that.


And here's how Max spent the morning. It's Super BiBi!!! He flies around the house, whooshing everywhere he goes, creating havoc. Wait, aren't super heroes supposed to save people, you ask? Well, not 2-year-old super heroes. Nope, they are creators of chaos, pure chaos.







For those who don't know BiBi, there are three of them (originals), and they go everywhere we go, especially to bed. And if they are found after being misplaced and/or forgotten for a time, they are happily shoved in Max's mouth, and you hear a muffled yet clearly intense "ERRRRR."

Okay, now I have finished a post. Feels good. Back to the nursing and half-finished chores...

Three Shining Stars Revised

So by now most of you who frequent this blog know that our fourth shining star arrived this past Monday, February 8th. Our Helena Anne (pronounced He-lai-na, not Helen-a or He-lee-na) graced us with her presence at 9:29 pm. Yes, that would be nearly 56 hours or so after time-able contractions started. Mind you, they were not strong contractions. I even slept through both nights just fine. But they were still working contractions, muscles and tendons continually doing work every 10-8 minutes for days, and I am beat. All well worth it, however. She was born at home into the hands of our wonderful midwife, and is perfectly healthy and lovely. She weighed in at 8 lbs. 12 oz. and was 21 inches in length. She is a wonderfully calm and restful baby.

Yes, eventually I will get around to changing my blog to include our fourth star. But for now, enjoy the new title pic with all four shining stars, and a few of miss Helena (loving called Lainey, although we're not sure yet how to spell that... Laney, Lainey, Laynee....).

Here she is, one day after birth, soundly sleeping.

Here she is, four days after birth, in one of her many quiet, reflective times throughout the day.

She is eyes wide open for 45 minutes, taking all in, and sometimes we get a good crooked grin.

We love her dearly, and I can't wait to share her stories with you here.

Honesty, Artistic Interpretation and Beauty

Ready for some honesty? Here it is: ME, with piles of sorted laundry behind me, in one of 2 or 3 shirts that still fit over my belly without me constantly yanking my pants up to cover its watermelon-cold rind...

Yep, that's it, my thermal. And one of two pair of jeans that fit. I have my black yoga pants, but you can only wear those so many days in a row (with three kids making sure they don't stay unblemished) before they are out of commission until laundered. So most of the time I'm in my flannel jammy pants and a long sleeved T (I have confiscated all of Adam's, but if they're mine, once again, three inch strip of 65 degree belly skin above those jammies...). There are times that honesty does NOT feel the least bit beautiful. But so much depends on where your focus lies; not just your photographic focus, but your mental focus.

Right now I am typing through a contraction. Here comes more honesty - turn your head for a line or two if you're squeamish - I lost most/all of my mucus plug by yesterday afternoon, so these contractions that I've been having for weeks are getting stronger and doing their job. I can feel the pull, opening up that door for our precious baby to come through. I went to bed early last night after talking to the midwife and labor team with contractions at 10 minutes apart or so. I slept right through them (except for the ten times to get up and empty my bladder) and I haven't timed them today, but last Friday I was 90% effaced and 3 cm, so we're looking at the next couple of days here as being a new birthday to mark on the calendars. It's exciting at the same time as being frustrating, tiring and emotionally draining. So there's some honesty...

(Insert space, which this stupid blog won't put in for me right now, no matter what I try...)

Now, are you ready for some artistic shine to it? There is beauty to be seen in everything, especially in bringing a new life into this world. And sometimes you just need to get over the every day mundane blah of the end of pregnancy with a little self-love for what you're cookin'. So yesterday I spent some time with my camera and my "fitty." (Pause for another contraction...) After I took the first shot you see above in an attempt to get a real picture of me at the end of this pregnancy, I had to find some beauty in what I KNOW is beautiful - not necessarily the honest, tired portrait of me, but the reality of what my body has been working on for the last 9 months. And these are the shots that me and my 50 mil came up with. I love them.

I love the lighting.



I love the focus.

I love my stomach.

Not necessarily for the old stretch marks from three previous pregnancies, or the visual effect of the network of veins, like the roots of a tree, sprawling all over, but for what those landmarks signify and what they are doing for my fourth little bundle of perfection. I love the artistic interpretation of honesty. The honesty of life is beauty if you know how to look at it and where your focus should lie. So I'm going to go put in a load of laundry so I can labor in my one pair of yoga pants, knock that nasty cob web out of the corner above the computer that I just noticed, put on a cup of chamomile tea and drink it out of my favorite tea cup. It's simple, white, with the word "Enjoy" raised on it's side. It helps keep my frame of mind on the here and now, helps me enjoy frustration, tiredness, and unknowns. It helps me remember my artist brain, which sometimes gets lost in the day to day. And that, honestly, is beautiful.

Sweet Woods Relief

Ah, this was the day I have been needing. Being 46 degrees helped the situation, because it was less work getting us all out the door and there, but had it been 20 it still would have had to happen. We've spent plenty of time lately outside, in the snow, at our house, building a lean-to against the swing set, sledding, building snow men, sliding and swinging in the snow, gathering sticks for kindling... Somehow it just hasn't been enough, though. My soul has been needing a good, long romp in the woods, and our in-town life doesn't lead to that unless we go there. Some of our best friends moved to New York this last autumn, and with them went our easy weekday hiking trips, because I just can't be taking the kids out in the woods by myself at the end of a pregnancy. So it comes down to weekends, and we've been spending those other ways. Not today. The kids played in the yard for a good while earlier today, but after Max's nap we headed off to Broughton Nature Preserve to go "mudding." Our idea of mudding???

Running in the mud:

Tromping in the mud:

Throwing things in the mud:

Digging in the mud:

The high creek volume sent us off of our usual hiking trail and up over the hill to explore part of another trail. We had a blast climbimg on and digging in a fallen tree,



then went off of the trail at the suggestion of Kane and ended up spending the rest of the time climbing, as Adam's quick climb up a favorable pine

sent us into a full-blown "how to climb trees the proper way" seminar by my awesome husband.

After the initial run-through, it was hard to keep Kane down long enough to give anyone else a turn.

And he wasn't the only one to take right to it. Max got his lesson, then spent the rest of the time climbing up and down a set of limbs he found easy enough to navigate himself.

Bella got as far as Papa's hands could take here then said she just couldn't do it anymore. She is a world of difference from those brothers of hers.

But in the end, when we headed for a fallen tree to climb and balance on, she found her long arms and legs worked pretty well to get her where she needed to be, and when she was done we had her changing from "I can't do this!" to "I think I can," which went right along with the lessons we've been working with her on optimism and having a positive attitude.

We had a wonderful day, everyone was much happier as it all ended (yes, including me, perhaps even especially me), and I just had to share it on here. The smell of detritus, fungus and good old dirt was invigorating, and I've caught myself several times this evening breathing big sighs of relief and relaxation. Tomorrow I believe it is supposed to rain, which will smell good, too. And we'll be working on finding the baby's cradle a spot in our room. I can't wait to strap the new baby to me, all warm and cozy next to me in a wrap, and take nice long hikes this spring. A new baby to play in the dirt with this summer.... Heaven.

Quick Update

I have been way too focused on getting ready for this baby to get on here and post. I think I started nesting at about 6 months this time :-), and have been going through every room of this house with the idea that it will be awhile before the detailed things get done again, like cleaning the top of the kitchen cupboards and thoroughly cleaning under our bed. Last weekend we got all of the baby clothes unpacked, washed and put away, which also included moving Max's clothes to Bella's dressers in the bedroom, so that was a big project. Tomorrow we will be finding a place for the baby's cradle in our room and I will feel a little less unprepared. I have focused a lot of time on knitting for the baby also. I have some fun knee socks done that I will post a picture of soon because I want to get the pattern on here for some friends. Right now they are on Addy, our Lee Middleton doll, who has been the main plaything around here right now. Max just loves taking care of her - she even went to the store with us today and pooped in her diaper 10 times in a row yesterday.

In honesty, I feel really disconnected right now, and don't even feel like I have words to put in this post. I just wanted to spend an evening doing something that wasn't a required task because I'm pretty burned out. I've been moody as can be and am really trying to just stay centered. A lot of focus has come lately on getting the baby in the right position, also. For awhile she/he was fully posterior (baby's back against my spine, arms and legs out to my stomach), but with some work has been turning some.

I think I'll leave some snow pictures and pics from Max's 2nd birthday for anyone still checking this blog. Hopefully once the baby gets here I'll get my creative spark back and feel like keeping up with this more often. I'm sure sharing pictures of our new little one will be the push I need.

Max chose a farm birthday this year, which is no surprise seeing that Mu-Lambs are one of his favorite things. Thus the mu-lamb in his pocket:

And the joy at receiving a tractor:

His birthday cake had chocolate peanut butter for icing, which was the muddy pig sty.

It was a lot of fun. Max made sure he said "Thanks, everybody!!" I can't believe he's two...

We've had a decent amount of snow here, so the kids have had their share of sledding this year. Max loves flying down the big hill across the street from us, and has a blast going all by himself.

He especially likes falling off the sled at the bottom, which sends him into histerics. Bella does some sledding then moves on to better things, like gathering sticks and building forts. Kane could sled all day, and is now very skilled at steering (and bailing off of) our Flexible Fliers.

It's a big difference from last year, when Max definitely did NOT like sledding, and Kane was a little too leary to go by himself. Now we're having a bit of a warm spell here, and today the high will be in the high-40s. We're going to go on a nice muddy hike, burn off some energy, and hopefully get some sunshine before the next week of rain sets in. I'm loving winter, but have been planning the garden and looking at lots of pictures from last summer, so I'm starting to long for getting my hands in the dirt again... I'm sure once the baby is here that will give me something to focus on while waiting for spring :-)...

August Knows How To Soar

August didn't just fly on by for us, it soared high. Now September is nearly gone, and summer is officially at an end. This summer was exceptional for us, which is why I haven't been posting. There were so many more important things to do. There still are more important things to do, but I have been itching to post, and I need to scratch that itch. It is like one of those itches that lurks right in the middle of your back, and since no one else is going to scratch it any time soon, it's all up to me to get out that long, wooden, hand-shaped back scratcher and go to town...

Summer for us has been:

A fun group trip with wonderful friends to a local sheep farm.

Lots of garden harvesting (and eating, of course).

Baby knitting (on the needles is the matching hat, since finished). Big kid knitting, too - I'm working on Bella's Easter dress, to be followed by the boys' Easter vests in coordinating cotton.

A growing belly size and baby kick strength.

Pool, pool, pool...

A boy turning 4, complete with blueberry cake.

A princess turning 6, complete with castle cake.

Lots of potty-dumping :-), with a mostly-naked boy 90% of the time.

And a bunch of household projects, due to the hubby being home - my favorite being our new, awesome, totally organized craft closet!

We were blessed with glorious weather all summer, and enjoyed every minute of it. Now the days are cool and breezy, and we've had to dig out our long pants and shirts and put on socks once more. Yep, Autumn is here in full, and we're loving every minute of it. I'm digging out the alpaca and wool for knitting, I'm shooting lots of Senior portraits for my niece and some of her friends, and I'm counting the days until I have to harvest my ton of sweet potatoes, one of the few things that actually grew AND prospered in my garden this year. I'm all set to prepare for a cozy winter and start nesting for this new little one that will be coming our way. It's quite wonderful. I hope your turn of seasons is offering the same quiet comfort for you!

Back to Life, Back to Reality...

(You're welcome for that song now being firmly lodged in your brain...)

Oh so much has happened around here as of late, I don't even know where to begin. Adam is switching jobs (just had his first day with the new one today), contemplating a second one, and I have been struggling to keep up with all things with my all-day-morning-sickness and fatigue. Yup, if you don't already know, our Fourth Shining Star will arrive sometime mid-February - once you get to four, you tell one or two people and then hope it eventually filters around to the rest before the baby arrives. What this has all meant is major adjustments. First of all, we're not used to having Adam around, and he's not used to being around. As sad as it is, his abcense has become our norm. Therefore, his in-between-jobs couple of weeks have been a little crazy. The kids have been hanging on him every second they are awake. Bella and Kane are vying for his attention, with talk being the weapon of choice for Bella, rough-housing for Kane. Max on the other hand screams like a panther every time Adam dares to set him down. For some reason, Papa says he can't hold him all day long, and Max just can't understand WHY :-).

For me, Adam being around has meant collaboration on family life, and I am nice and settled in my way being the way. Our parenting styles have clashed a bit here and there, that's for sure. Then there's the whole meals issue - NOT used to having to think of him when I cook, or think of having meals prepared, because he hasn't been around for meals but one day a week for the last year and a half. The kids and I generally fly by the seat of our pants when it comes to food and when to have it. Not that it works well for us, it is just where we've ended up. So meal planning is something we're working on. Another thing that needs some improvement on my part is being able to take care of the house with him around. It's so far out of my frame of normal for him to be here, I feel like we are all on vacation and shouldn't have to do anything. I have just wanted to spend the time hiking, playing, swimming, gardening, putt-putting, etc, etc.... Which, along with the "morning" sickness, definitely adds to the dissaster that the kitchen is in right now. Sigh...

In it all, I have missed my posting. I have hundreds of pictures on the camera that haven't even made it to the computer yet. There's still no room for them, so I don't even try. I've been ordering prints, puting on to disc, and deleting from the computer, and it's making a dent. But it is still a work in progress. Maybe that can be finished during tomorrow's rainy day. I need to get some recent pictures on here of my current, photographable three! The best I could find were these:

My Bella, nearly 6, before the recent hair cut and second lost tooth. Boy is it hard to get an un-hammed-up picture of her... She is just the biggest thing ever now. She spent 6 whole days at Nan and Pap's house for VBS, and only had one night of being homesick and needing Mama. She's reading at a third grade level now and spends all her free time doing just that. I love her love of reading. She has also been insistent on me enterring her into America's Got Talent, but says she would be too nervous to try singing a song with Pap's band first.

My Kaney, who has turned 4 in my blogger-abcense and also spent his first near-week with Nan and Pap. No phone calls home because of missing Mama there - just calls to tell me how much fun he was having and how many fish he caught on his first fishing trip. And he IS 4, meaning few pictures are snapped without a goofy face to go with them. My big stuff has decided to go to sleep in his own bed now - happened while sister was away - stays there most of the night now, and will actually go back to sleep in his bed if I'm in Max's bed at the time. Amazing...

My Maxwell, little mister big stuff. I can't get enough of who this kid is turning into. He is now so long, and thinning out, and just looks like such a big kid. He has his own wonderful words for many things - "oof" for nurse, howled like a wolf-pup now, with his head thrown back and his lips puckered up, "wavuv" for motorcycle, "woolamella" for watermelon, even though water is still just "wa"... I love his progression in to boyhood. He immitates any sound he hears - he does a super red-shouldered hawk - and is always pushing the limits of everything. His new name is Naked Wonder, because he will NOT leave his diaper on.

Life is fun around here, even though hectic. Hopefully our reality will become a little more of what we want now instead of what we have grown used to. Until then, who knows how often I'll get to this. But I'm glad it is here when I have the time...